He’s not showing the love

Dear Meredith,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. Things used to be so good, but for the past six months or so he's been different. He used to be so interested and always made an effort, but now he's complacent. He seems to feel that because we've been together this long, he doesn't need to pay attention to our relationship. He tells me that he loves me, which I believe, but there's no action to back that up.

Mostly I'm worried that his libido is a little too low to meet my needs, and I think that when he rejects me, it not only lets me down, but he also feels bad, and then we both feel terrible. When he turns me down in that way, he says it's because he's exhausted after work or that we don't have enough time.

Things also haven't been going well because I was a bit too curious for my own good and asked him for every little detail about the women he's been with in the past. Everything he said messed with my confidence. I'm terrible when it comes to thinking about how he might have been with other women, and constantly comparing when there isn't need to.

I've told him a few times that I'm not happy with what this has become. I've been thinking about breaking up – I've brought it up with him a couple of times, as well - but I can't go through with it, and he doesn't take me seriously because I keep going back to him.

Any thoughts on whether I should stay?

– Where is the love?


"I've told him a few times that I'm not happy with what this has become."

Well, is he happy?

That seems like the big question here. If he's content with the state of your relationship (including your sex life), you might have very different ideas about what works. It's probably not a match if he's content while you're miserable. Try to figure out if he really likes the way things are.

If it turns out that he's also disappointed by the status quo and wants to do something about the responsibilities and exhaustion and that have affected the relationship, then you have something to work with. Almost all couples go through stretches of dealing with less quality time, less sex. It's fine as long as partners are working toward a similar goal.

Instead of focusing on his exes, talk about what makes the two of you happy. Find out if it's the same thing.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to break up?