A while ago, I wrote in about my boyfriend, who was sending flirtatious texts (including some sexts) to another woman. Everybody's advice really helped, and we're finally back on track. I told him exactly how I felt and let him know it was me or her. Thankfully, he chose me, and he's stopped texting her.
She still texts him, but he shows me when he gets a message (without me asking; I don't pester him). I can see that although she still texts, he doesn't reply. He sent her one final text to let her know that I knew everything, and that he wanted to stop. She didn't seem to care, and he cut her off.
However, she is still part of his larger group of friends. Recently, when we went camping, she was there. We were both surprised to see each other but kept it civil and tried to be nice.
I can see there's no way I'm getting rid of her anytime soon; she's friends with all of these people. I could really use some tips on letting go of my grudge toward her. I know nothing is going on anymore, and I would like to start some kind of friendship with her maybe, but that's very hard when I'm overwhelmed by paranoia and anger whenever she's around. Also, since people kept asking on my last LL: my boyfriend and I are both 23, and the woman in question is 19.
Your best bet is to stay honest, which means you shouldn't be trying to start a friendship with this woman. At this point, it'd be about keeping your enemies closer, and that's not a good way to spend your time. It'd also confuse the boundaries set by your boyfriend. He told her he was done with her, and I imagine it'd be harder for him to enforce that rule if she's friends with you.
Maybe it would be different if she'd stopped sending those texts, but she's still reaching out to him – and he shows you the evidence. That means you're allowed to be a little angry when she's around. You're also allowed to avoid social settings where she'll be present. Not everyone in a big friend group has to get along.
I know you want to be cool about everything, but you're not, and that’s OK. This is Love Letters, so I'm thinking about what's best for your romantic relationship. You and your boyfriend feel better about each other when this woman is not around. Feel free to avoid seeing her until you have to.