I don’t want to ask for romance
I have a wonderful, loving boyfriend of almost two years. Every day he tells me how much he loves me, how attracted he is to me, etc. He sends me sweet texts throughout the day. Just a caring, sweet man who is not afraid to show his feelings for me. Perfect, right? Except for one thing: He is not demonstratively the most romantic guy. He does not like "Hallmark Holidays" like Valentine's or even Christmas. We have kind of made a deal that our birthdays will be the days we celebrate in a big way. I am OK with this arrangement but I feel like it's like watering a plant once a year.
For example, I have specifically asked my boyfriend to "do" things for me. Since I plan most of our free time, I have asked him to take the reins once in a while. I have given him specific suggestions – like he could plan a night out and just say, "Get in the car, we are going somewhere!" In other words, surprise me. I have asked him to do things like that several times but he has not come through.
One time he said he had planned an evening dinner outside – but the weather did not cooperate that night. After that ... nothing. Now I feel like if I say something again I'd be nagging, and when the special thing did happen, it would feel forced.
I can guess what you may say: I am lucky to have a man who expresses how much I mean to him. And I know this. But truly, I do not ask for much. I am a loving, giving person to him. I am asking for small things to be done for me. It frustrates me because I feel like I am a good girlfriend. Any advice?
- Is my plant getting watered?
"I can guess what you may say: 'I am lucky to have a man who expresses how much I mean to him.'"
You are a very good guesser.
Your partner of two years tells you he loves you every day. He sends sweet texts and goes big with birthdays. That's a lot of water for your plant.
It sounds like he's game for romance, even if he's not great about giving it to you in the form of creative dates. He does surprise you with his thoughts about the relationship. Those texts mean something – and they're his way of reminding you how much he cares.
My advice is to come to terms with who he is as a partner. He's not the guy who'll tell you to get in the car with no warning, but it sounds like he's pretty thrilled to join you when you ask.
If you stop trying to script his romance, you might notice how he does it on his terms.
What's up with her plant? Would it help if they went big on more than one holiday?
Speaking of Love
"You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving." — Victor Hugo, Les Misérables