Everything was through messaging

Thinking about other letters where the people never met in person. Like this one. And this one.

I started communicating with a man I met online in March. It started off as casual communication, but then we started talking more and flirting a lot. We stopped communicating for about a month, just because we both got busy with our personal lives, but then we reconnected – and began sexting. We got to the point where we got really close and we would talk every day. (We never saw each other in person. Everything was through messaging, and both of us were always so busy that we couldn't find a good time to actually meet up.)

Everything was going great – we'd even mentioned the word "love" to each other – but then he suddenly stopped talking to me, and within a couple of days I figured out that he got into a relationship. It made me think that maybe he just saw me as a "hook-up opportunity" and that he never had real feelings for me. It has really me hurt because he seemed so interested. Was it all fake? He dropped me so fast and moved on, even though we had become so close.

My friends keep telling me to move on, but it's difficult because I have real feelings for him and became emotionally invested. Any advice? Part of me wants to reach out to him and see if we can make something work, but I'm scared he'll just be rude since he's now in a relationship.

– Invested


"It made me think that maybe he just saw me as a 'hook-up opportunity' and that he never had real feelings for me."

Well, maybe. But he didn't try that hard to hook up with you. Most likely, this was all about getting some nice attention without having to do anything about it. He might have been lining up this other new relationship – in real life - the whole time.

Before you get upset and feel horribly betrayed, know that you had a part in this, too. You chose to spend the better part of the year texting (and sexting) someone you had no plans to see. Even if distance was part of the equation, you should have seen this man by now. Maybe it felt safe to be with someone without being with them at all. From what I can tell, you had no plans to take it beyond messages.

Instead of reaching out, spend your energy thinking about why you never met this man in person. You were drawn to a relationship that lived in your phone, which suggests you might not want a real one at all.

– Meredith

Readers? How long should communicate with someone before seeing them in real life?