A few years ago, when I was still in college, a friend of a friend started reaching out to me. Eventually he told me he was interested, but I explained that I was about to start seeing someone else, and hoped I hadn't led him on. We continued talking as friends — until one night, when we were at the same event, it felt like there were fireworks, and we kept looking at each other.
Right after that, he asked me out, and I said yes. I was single at this point. We spent a lot of time together – went out, walked, laughed, and, yes, hooked up. It was wonderful. He was caring and sweet. ‘
A week later, I found out he had a girlfriend. He called me that night crying, saying he was sorry. He told me he loved me but could not leave his girl. I asked why, and he kept silent until he explained that he got his girlfriend pregnant. I got angry because it's something he should have told me.
He explained that they were always arguing, and that they actually broke up when he first talked to me. They had just gotten back together after finding out she was pregnant. At the time, he said he would wait years for me – until he could be with me.
Well, now it's been years. We spoke months ago, and he said he still loves me and will reach out when it's the right time. He promised not to marry her. I have a boyfriend now, but I still haven't moved on. What should I do? I just want to forget. I don't want to ruin a family.
– Can't Move On
It might help to be honest with yourself about your very short history with this man. It's not as though you dated him for years and are now missing the love of your life. You had a few nice weeks with him that included one big hookup. There was a connection (fireworks, etc.), but somehow, because of all of the drama, he got elevated to soul mate. That's not real.
It's very possible that after a few more weeks of dates, you would have parted ways as friends. It only feels monumental because you didn't get to see the relationship play out over time.
Please don't let the unanswered questions give this non-relationship extra meaning. The one big thing you do know about your time together is that he lied.
Start defining him as part of your past – because that's all he is. You've chosen this new person to be your boyfriend in the present. Think about why.
Readers? Is there real potential with this guy?