My boyfriend and his roommates

Hi Meredith,

I've been seeing this guy for a while now, but there's been one big issue that's stood in the way of us moving forward and taking the next step. He lives in an apartment with a group of single women. When I say issue, I don't mean anything has happened; I go over there all the time, hang out with them, and get along with them well. I don't sense any ill feelings or drama or jealousy ever. However, they have told me how funny he is, how good looking he is, and how lucky I am, and the girls themselves are all pretty attractive.

Recently, my boyfriend hasn't been very communicative with me or sexually interested, and when I go over to their apartment, the girls don't seem to be around as much, and when they are, they aren't as talkative or responsive – as if something has happened that I don't know about. I have a suspicion that he's hooked up with one or more of them, but I can't bring myself to bring it up in conversation because of what might happen if I'm right – or wrong. What should I do?

– Between a rock and a hard place


You've jumped to the conclusion that your boyfriend hooked up with one (or more) of these women. I suppose that's possible.

I jumped to the less dramatic conclusion that you've been spending too much time at their apartment. Hasn't that happened to you in a living situation? You really like a roommate's significant other – until that person is always there.

Another conclusion I could jump to is that sometimes people get busier in the fall. Maybe summer was hangout time, but now that it's October, everyone is more aware of their deadlines and responsibilities. I am a lot less fun right now than I was in July.

Before you start asking him whether he's hooked up with his roommates, invite him over. Find a new setting and see how it feels. If things still seem off, ask him what's up. Don't accuse him of anything, because once you say that kind of thing out loud, you can't take it back.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she bring this up? Do you thing she's right about the roommates?