I'm looking for updates from former letter writers for the holidays. Was our advice helpful? Did everything work out? We want to know, and we like closure.
Email your update today to Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com and put "update" in the subject line.
I need some serious help because I'm not sure if I should stay in my marriage. I love my husband but got married pretty young (at 26). Dating and the engagement were fine, although I had doubts at times, and even let a few comments slip when I was drunk. I was excited to be married though. We've now been married for five years, together for eight.
I did get kissed by a guy in a bar one night before the wedding. I didn't stop it right away and spent most of my evening with him. I figured nothing really had happened and I was just having jitters. I never told my husband.
A few years into the marriage, I made friends with a buddy of his. Again, I thought it was just a passing attraction and connection. Nothing really happened but there were some some inappropriate texts, comments, a kiss, and some light cuddling. I broke it off and was kind of glad.
Then my husband and I had a baby and things seemed to settle. But I met a man, a colleague. He was amazing, and this time I crossed the line into sex. It went on for a while. Again, I never said anything to my husband. I still love my husband; he means so much to my friends and family. I want to make it work for my child. I also want another baby.
It's generally happy – or I feel like I should be happy. He's nice to me and he's a good dad. But I feel like I've always had doubts, usually expressed (not to him) when I drink. What should I do?
- Feeling Terrible
You're not in an open relationship, and I'll assume your husband isn't interested in that kind of arrangement. Staying married means that you can never date – or cuddle with others – again.
My recommendation (no surprise here) is therapy, because it seems you've been compartmentalizing your feelings, and it would be nice to address them in a productive way.
Once you get to therapy, talk about your experiences with other men, and how your relationship with your husband might work if you were no longer married. Do you ever fantasize about what life would be like if you were friends and co-parents?
Also, what if you knew that your family would support your need to walk away? Really, they should want what's best for all of you. If they love your husband as much as you say they do, they might understand that it's best for him to be on his own.
I know you want another baby, but you shouldn't be considering that right now. You're not going to get everything you want, whenever you want it. That's the real lesson here.
Readers? What should she do?