New Year’s Updates

Hey there. Here are some updates for the end of 2017. We will return Tuesday.

2018 will bring us the ninth anniversary of Love Letters (Jan. 22), a book, and many other good things, hopefully. Thank you for being part of this column.

The first update is from a very recent letter writer who admits his letter was cringeworthy.

I'm the rocket scientist who talked about how to convince his girlfriend's mom to allow her to spend time with me. I just want to say I find that letter so cringeworthy now. Clearly, I was not thinking logically two weeks after the breakup and wrote a lot of stupid things. Thank you for setting me straight. As many commenters noted, of course it is insane to think that anyone can make lasting changes to themselves in two weeks. I certainly made realizations that have led and are leading to more permanent changes, but it is a gradual process that I now work toward every day. Also, when I said I acted very rude to my ex, the truth is that I was very condescending about her unwillingness to find a stable career, stop relying so much on her parents, etc. With some distance, I can now see how these traits could lead to a very unhealthy relationship. I very much appreciate the wake up call.

The second update is from someone who was very busy.

Hi Meredith,

You and all of your readers were right. I broke up with "John" soon after I wrote in, and have not regretted it. In the end, I realized I was trying to make myself love him, and it wasn't working and that wasn't fair to him. I didn't date much for about a year after I broke up with him, and a few months ago met a guy who is a much better match. My new boyfriend is also a busy divorced single dad, and this has made us better suited as a couple.

At the end of my letter, I wrote this melodramatic (but accurate) thought: “Am I so scarred by my divorce that I am not capable of love?" A couple of your readers said something like, "Yes, but it's not permanent." This was the best advice of all.

If you're interested, this was my recap of the year.

And these were the most popular letters of 2017 – based on page views.

10. He'd rather have sex with other people
9. Crush on my married friend
8. I snooped and now I'm jealous
7. After 17 years, I'd like a sex life
6. I've threatened to get it elsewhere
5. At 39, I feel invisible
4. Are lap dances a cheat?
3. He used me for sex
2. I'm married to a Trump supporter
1. I wanted sex, he wanted to go sightseeing

See you next year,

– Meredith