Why did he say he wanted a second date?

Hi Meredith,

I am in my early 20s and went on a first date last week with a engineer I met on Bumble. He's a few years older.

I wasn't excited about the date at first, but he was delightfully charming and interesting to talk to. At the end of the night, he sort of went in for a kiss but I sort of deflected, not intentionally (he's very handsome!), but I wasn't exactly sure what he was going for and didn't know how to respond.

He said he was really excited about seeing me again, but didn't respond to my text asking when he was free again. I also mentioned that I had plans to comfort a girlfriend later that night (I did), so there was no room for us to get intimate after (I wouldn't have been ready to hook up with him anyway).

Did I do something wrong, or is he just fake and ghosting me for no reason?

– Bumbled


We were talking about ghosting in our Love Letters chat this week, and I was saying that I don't think the term should apply to anything that happens after one date. Bailing after a first date isn't ghosting. It's just ... not wanting a second date.

This man told you he wanted to see you again, but people say lots of things at the end of first dates. "I had a great time." "Let's do this again." They say what feels right in the moment, but they haven't even processed their experience yet. These words are pretty much meaningless until they've had time to think.

My advice to wait until date three or four to analyze end-of-evening conversation. Also, don't assume you did anything wrong with this particular man. He might just be a charming-on-the-first-date kind of guy.

– Meredith

Readers? What do you say at the end of a first date? Do you mean every word?