She wants to diversify her sex life

We chat at 1 p.m. today.

I go to school in the city and have a small circle of close friends. I don't have a girlfriend, but I've been hooking up with a girl for a while. She has a long-distance boyfriend, and I have no intension of breaking up that real relationship. It's all strictly physical.

It's not ethical, and I feel very disappointed with myself every time I text her to come over. Just from this alone, I think it's best to stop seeing her.

But recently I found out that she is simultaneously seeing my very close friends who are also in relationships. So far, my friends don't know about my knowledge of their secrets, but this makes me feel very disgusted. I think I'm a bit jealous and have started to have bad feelings about my friends because of their equally loose moral compasses.

However, who am I to judge? I'm at least half as guilty as they are. I wonder why does she wants to maintain many parallel and secretive sexual relationships. She once told me she wanted to diversify her sex life so she would never get hurt if one of her partners leaves.

I guess the best option for me is to just leave, right?

– Disappointed


It sounds like she told you exactly why she's pursing more than one relationship. She wants to diversify her sex life, and she doesn't like being alone. The end.

As it turns out, you're not comfortable with that – especially if her other partners happen to be your friends. That means you should drop this relationship. It's getting too messy for you to handle, and it's not bringing you much joy.

The bigger question here is whether you want to be honest with your friends about knowing their secrets. My guess is that you don't; it doesn't sound like you and your friends go for that kind of transparency. But ... it's something to think about. What do you tell each other and why?

It might help to spend some time pursing dates with single women – maybe even go on some apps. Meeting new people will take you out of this drama. It'll certainly give you some perspective.

- Meredith

Readers? What do you think?