She says I’m her ‘comfort zone’

We'll chat at 1 p.m.

Hi Meredith,

I'm 42 and single after a very long relationship. It's been eight years since I had a significant relationship.

I have a friend who is married and we dated in high school. She tells me she misses me and loves me still, but also admits to being in love with her husband. My feelings for her have grown stronger because I speak to her on a daily basis, but we never do anything physical when we see each other. I respect that she's married.

As our relationship grows, I feel more jealousy and anger because I would like to be with her. I told her we needed space because I'm getting attached and I don't want to ruin what we have. She says I'm like her comfort zone and that she can talk to me about anything.

She also says I'm being selfish because I want space and she doesn't. What do I do? Am I doing the right thing – or am I being selfish by not continuing an emotional relationship because I can't get over her?

– Selfish?


Um, no, you are not being selfish.

She is the selfish one. Big time.

She tells you she loves you and misses you, demands your attention without considering your needs, and expects you to be her "comfort zone" even though the relationship makes you anything but comfortable.

You say you don't want to ruin what you have, but please feel free to destroy it. The relationship is making you jealous, angry, and lonely. You want so much more.

Losing her will hurt, and you will miss your shared connection, but you're better off finding a few platonic friends who can occupy your time. Also let this experience be a lesson that you are ready for a relationship – with someone who's single.

– Meredith

Readers? Who's selfish?