My boyfriend and I broke up more than three months ago. It was not mutual and I was pretty shocked. We were dating for three years and he lives a few hours away. We're both in our mid-20s and talked about spending the rest of our lives together. I always thought of him as the one.
Last summer, he moved away for his job – temporarily. It was a good opportunity that he couldn't pass up. He was very busy, and unless I made the effort to drive to him, we wouldn't see each other. I didn't mind doing that, and I loved visiting him. But on a regular day, it would take him hours to respond to me. Sometimes he'd be out drunk with his work friends and couldn't talk, while other times he would just apologize and say he was too busy.
At first, I was happy he was having fun. But then we'd have stupid fights about it and I resented him. Eventually we ended up fighting so much that he felt he had no choice but to end things. He kept saying it felt like he wasn't making me happy.
We took a few months apart, but now we're talking every day. He'll be living back near me in a few months, and we both admit that we want to get back what we had, but there's a lot in the way. I have a very hard time trusting him after how he ended things (I was extremely blindsided and it was over text ...). I'm not sure if he's just realizing that he'll want to be back together when he comes home or if he truly wants to put in effort to fix it.
Do you think trust is something I will ever get back? And if I can get it back, how do I know this situation won't happen again? It felt like he lost interest in us a little bit.
– One more shot?
I do think trust is something you can get back. I also believe in breaks, and that sometimes you have to hit pause on a relationship in order for it to survive.
The only real problem I see here is that he broke up with you by text. He must know that if there are issues in the future, he has to talk about them face-to-face. Be clear about that.
The real trick to making this second chance work is accepting that you won't be able to turn back time and be what you were before he left. The break was short, but you've had different experiences on your own. Don't try to recreate; instead, get excited that it could be something new.
Also try to steer clear of talk about him being the one. You're two people in your 20s who are figuring out whether you can grow together. You care about each other a lot, but at the moment, that's all you know.
Readers? Should they try again? Is a break like this so bad?