Happy anniversary to us. Love Letters turns 9 today. The traditional gift is pottery, so please, everyone, buy yourselves a nice bowl.
In other news, the Globe is launching a Love Letters podcast. Something we can listen to while driving, doing laundry, working, or riding the T. I'm looking for some good breakup stories – like the worst breakup you've been through (doesn't have to be recent). Or the worst one you've heard of. Or the one you never got over and how you managed to move on. Send us an anonymous voice memo. It can be short, like 1 or 2 minutes.
To participate, record a voice memo on your smart phone (hold the phone normally, as if taking a phone call), save the file with "LoveLetters" on it, and share the memo with this address: firstname.lastname@example.org. Include your contact information and what you'd like to be called. We'll contact you if we want to use your story. You can also just email that address with your written info.
I'm excited to hear from you.
Boy, where do I begin. I am in college and have been friends with a very sweet guy for about two years now. At one of our senior events, we got extremely drunk and made out, something I have never done with a good friend. We did not progress past kissing as I was way too drunk and got sick, but we talked about it the next day and decided to be friends and try to move on after.
I ended up taking him as my date to an event a week or so later – something I had been planning on before we kissed. We planned on going as friends, but ended up making out again, this time much less drunk.
After that, I slept over in his room and we cuddled but did not hook up. While he is incredibly good looking and I do like kissing him (he admitted he enjoyed it too), I am scared of what this means for our friendship. I haven't stopped thinking about him since, and am trying to balance wanting to hold and kiss him again with the fear of losing our friendship.
He can also be shy and awkward when talking about these things, and I'm never sure if I am getting a straight answer from him. We didn't officially talk about what happened after the second hook-up.
How can I figure out what we're both feeling, and how can I determine where our friendship (if it's even that anymore) is going? Is it worth taking a risk or is this just a momentary hiccup?
- Dazed and Confused
If you're wondering "will we make out tonight???" whenever you see this person, the friendship has already changed, so you might as well explore your options.
When I say "changed," by the way, I mean just that. The fact that you have romantic feelings for this person doesn't mean the friendship has disappeared. One thing does not delete the other. The friendship that led you to this place should help the two of you navigate what comes next.
We get a lot of letters from people who are worried that if they pursue romantic feelings for a pal, they'll ruin the friendship ... but it's not that simple. Usually, by the time these questions are asked, the romantic feelings are too strong to ignore. The trick is to be good communicators and to accept the fact that if it doesn't work – or your feelings aren't reciprocated – you'll need time away from each other. That doesn't mean you failed at the friendship; it just means you're being honest about what you need to reset your expectations.
You say your friend is awkward when talking about this, but ... you have to try. He might not be able to answer big questions – if you're both seniors, a lot of things are up in the air – but he should be able to tell you whether he might like to make out with you again.
Readers? Should she leave this alone or see if this might happen again?