My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We're 20 and 21. I was raised more on the conservative side; we don't keep beer in the house, no partying, and are very active in church. He was raised the opposite; his parents have picked him up drunk since he was 15. He's got a great work ethic and we have a lot of the same hobbies in common. We are each other's first boyfriend and girlfriend and met in college.
I'm at the point in the relationship where I'm getting tired of his partying/drinking ... he knows I'm not into that. He drinks while working (which he CLEARLY isn't supposed to do). I'm ready to finish my degree, settle down, and eventually get married. He wants to get married too, but all he thinks about is alcohol. We have fought about this issue before. I believe you can have just as good of a time without alcohol involved.
There is also another girl who encourages him to party, party, party. She told him I was jealous of her because I don't drink. For the first six months, he spoke about her all the time and said "she's like my sister – of course I'm going to talk about her." He's known her since they were kids. When they do party, she relies on him to be her "fake boyfriend." I told him he's either my boyfriend or hers.
This is an ongoing conflict. Please help! What should I do? Stay or go?
– Stay or go
Well, go. Not because of this other woman – because I do believe she's just a friend. They've had plenty of opportunities to couple up. If they wanted to date each other, they'd be dating.
You should go for more important reasons – because you're not happy and you despise how your boyfriend likes to spend his time. Also, you seem to be ready for a big relationship – one that involves significant responsibilities – and he doesn't seem to be on that path. He wants to have a good time, his way.
Shared hobbies are great, but you're looking for a shared life. Go get some more experience – some context for this relationship – and look for people who can have your kind of fun without feeling like something is missing. Even in college, they're out there.
Readers? Is this other woman the issue or is it just a bad match?