‘I’m old-fashioned and feel it’s important to get married’

Last day to win an early copy of the book. And ...  on Instagram, you'll find two clips from the recording of the audio book in New York this week.

While reading, we did a word search and found that these terms are mentioned the following number of times: Tinder (2 times), Valentino (2), Harry Potter (3), Franklin Cafe (5), grilled cheese (22), Angela Bassett (1), Cheesecake Factory (10).

Also, we chat at 1 p.m.

I'm 51 and have been dating my divorced boyfriend for three years now. I'd like to get married but he told me from the beginning that he'll never get married again. His ex-wife is now remarried. I thought maybe this would put his hesitation behind him, but he still seems reluctant. Commitment isn't an issue, as we want to be together and decided I would move in with him. Do you think he'll ever propose or is this delay tactic?

I guess I'm old-fashioned and feel it's important to get married. I've been divorced for a long time now and finally found my person. My family and friends told me to not get involved as he was clear about not wanting to get married. I heard from a friend that he told his ex that they'd still be married if it wasn't for her – but that was when we first started dating. He doesn't want to get back together with her now – I'm sure of that – but it was a tough breakup for him. He's been divorced for almost a decade now.

He was very hesitant throughout our relationship when it came to meeting his kids, taking a vacation together, moving in, etc. If I didn't nudge, it didn't happen. Anyway, I've moved in and things are going well, but I'm not sure if this is a step to marriage. Is this a delay tactic? Do I have to make peace with the marriage thing?

– Old-Fashioned


If you stay with this man, you should assume that marriage is not on the table. Sure, some people change their minds about big decisions, but he's been honest about his needs. Why wouldn't you believe him?

There are other ways to become closer as a couple; moving in together is just one of them. Commitment can be built through shared traditions, investments, and plans. If you begin to develop a strategy for the next years of your life – together – you might be getting what you want, just without the title.

As for the ex-wife, I'd put her out of your mind – but you know that. A lot of people can say they'd still be with their exes if not for x, y, and z. But those letters are usually pretty important.

As you begin this new living arrangement, consider whether it feels like you're working toward the same kind of life. You don't have to be married to be partnered. If you like your setup with him now, it might be the best compromise.

– Meredith

Readers? Delay tactic?