I understand that he’s busy … but he’s also rude

Meredith!

I've been dating a really great guy for almost three months, but we've only actually been "out" four times and only had one very brief kiss (which he initiated). He just started a demanding new job, and we're both also still in school.

I understand how busy he is, and of course I'm busy as well, but I think the amount of time it takes him to answer my messages and make plans with me borders (I think) on rudeness. For example, we exchanged texts four days ago in which we decided to make plans for the weekend. I left the ball in his court, he read my message the next morning, and still hasn't responded.

I'm unsure how to take this, as he has said he really likes me and hopes we can go out more. I'm nervous to approach him about my concerns, as he confided in me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "clingy" and got angry at him for not spending enough time with her.

I also think it's important to note that he graduates in May, so in the event that things do work out between us, we will be a long-distance couple very soon. He has also mentioned that this concerns him a lot. We click really well when we're together; he’s constantly smiling when we talk. I don't understand. Is he pulling away from me, or is this just a byproduct of his busy life? And is it a good idea or not for me to politely bring up my concerns to him the next time we're alone? Thank you for your time!

- Overscheduled


Based on the details you've shared in this letter (the relentless schedule, impending graduation, and his satisfaction with four dates in three months), this doesn't sound like a great match. My guess is that you'll both start to pull away and consider next steps without each other in the equation. He's planning big moves and you want more than he can give.

Still, you should have a conversation and bring up your concerns. Maybe you'll get some real answers about why he's in this at all. At the very least, the talk will be good practice; you should be able to tell someone what you want even when it's a little scary.

No one wants to seem needy, but please know that's not what you are. You're someone who's open to a relationship and doesn't want to wait around. You're someone who doesn't like to guess or to pretend you're cool with things when you're not. If he wants to compare you to his ex, fine, let him. You know you're looking for clarity. If he can't give it to you, you can walk away with confidence.

– Meredith

Readers? Should she worry about seeming needy? What about the one kiss?