I want to get back together with my ex. We dated for about five months and then I broke up with him because our relationship was getting to be super intense, and I was dealing with the stress of preparing for next year (college). I thought it would be easier for both of us to just end things. I regretted it almost immediately. He is a year younger than I am. We don't go to school together, so I hadn't seen him since we broke up until I ran into him with friends a couple of weeks ago. We ended up texting for a while before agreeing to meet to talk things out. He told me that he still liked me a lot and missed me and wished things would have worked out.
When we met up, we talked for hours like nothing had changed, and he kept flirting with me. But at the end of the night, he asked me if I only agreed to meet with him because I was lonely, and said he doesn't think we should try again because he doesn't want to fall in love with me all over again. He just wanted to say goodbye. He apologized later for the "way he acted," but I just don't know what to think.
He's my first real love and I miss him so much. He used to talk about maintaining our relationship after I leave for college, and either way I don't think that six more months together is wasted time. He also struggles with depression, but he doesn't like to talk about it with anyone. What should I do?
Congratulations on your communication. We get letters from people who are years and years out of high school who don't say what they want and how they feel. Sometimes they limit their interactions to passive-aggressive texts. You and your ex might have had some confusing moments during your meet-up, but you chose to to it in person. You discussed your hopes and disappointments. Please give yourselves some credit for saying what you mean.
This breakup is disappointing, but ... it sounds like it is for the best. You might want another six months together, but to him – the one who'll be left behind – it's just a recipe for more pain. This is a tough time for big commitments.
It was an important five months, and you should miss him. But take a moment to be happy that you had the experience of falling for someone, and that your feelings were reciprocated. This will get easier when he's out of sight again.
Please know that there is more to come. A first love is just a start.
Readers? Any words of wisdom?