If you're in NYC tonight, please join me at the Strand. Wesley Morris will be there. I'm going to make him talk about "Twilight."
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. I was still very much in love with him when we broke up, however he said "I don’t know what I want right now," and that was the end of it. Months went by and I still thought about him and cared for him deeply. In the summer of 2017, I was dealing with personal and family issues that spiraled me even deeper into the depression I had been feeling since we broke up. I became reckless and impulsive and would hook up with many guys. During this period, my ex’s friend started texting me. He was flirting and I wasn’t very interested but we talked a little. I was trying to be polite. Eventually he would pressure me to send nudes, but I refused. However, I made a terrible mistake and sent nude pictures one night because I wanted him to stop bothering me.
I know this was a stupid decision and I regretted it immediately, however I have always had a problem being coerced by men. I was not in a good mental state. I regretted what I'd done immediately and asked the friend not to tell my ex, and he said of course he wouldn't. I was able to get myself out of the dark place with the help of my therapist and medication. My ex and I became friends again and I expressed to him that I had strong feelings for him, however he made it obvious he did not want to be with me. He always said he was afraid of commitment.
Recently, we have been on good terms. We have mutual friends so we see each other. However I found out it's all been ruined. My ex called me two days ago, angry because his friend had shown him my nudes. He said, "How can you say you love me and send my friend these pictures?" He also said he had feelings for me but now he's decided we're never getting back together. I apologized and cried so much, and he said "Everyone does things they regret; don't worry about it anymore." But I can't stop thinking about it and I know I’ve ruined things. I am so genuinely sorry and I just want things to be right again. I don't know what I was thinking when I sent the pictures and I regret it so much. I feel as though I've made the biggest mistake of my life. Is there any way I can fix this?
You didn't ruin anything. You were broken up, and you had every right to make decisions for yourself. You happen to regret that particular decision – but your ex knows that. If he can't have empathy – and assume the best of you – he's not someone you should have in your life. (And I hope his horrible friend is very, very much out of your life.)
For the record, I do not believe that your ex was close to getting back together with you, and that this was the thing that stopped him from taking you back. He wasn't doing anything productive with his romantic feelings before he saw those photos. Please don't assume that you'd be back together if the pics didn't exist.
Also, I hope you told him that he should take this up with his so-called friend. His friend is the person who should be ashamed. This man pressured you for pictures and shared them without your consent. He is the villain here.
You're getting help to feel better about all parts of your life, and that should be your focus right now. You need to surround yourself with people who make you feel great. If your ex isn't helping with that, let him fade away.
Readers? Should she be thinking about getting back together with this person?