He doesn’t invite me to go out with his roommates

I'm finishing college and have been seeing this guy for a little over six months now. The only reason we're not officially dating is because once we graduate from school, he'll be living six hours away. He also plans to live abroad for a year, so we're just trying to take things one day at a time.

But since we started seeing each other, I'm at his house five to seven days a week. He shares this place with four other male roommates. My problem is, although I spend time with his roommates at the house and we all get along really well, he never invites me out when they go out. There's been numerous occasions where his friends will actually invite me and he'll be quick to say "she's busy" or "she's not coming." I tell them I'd be happy to go if he asks, but I'm never asked.

Why doesn't he want me to go out with his roommates? It's not that it's a guys-only night. His one roommate always brings his on-again, off-again girlfriend, so I don't understand why he wouldn't want me to go. And it's not always nights out drinking; sometimes they'll ask us to go out and get a normal dinner.

– Inside


Could it be that he doesn't want you to go out with the roommates because you're at his place five to seven days a week? I'm not saying he's sick of you, but if you've become a fifth roommate, he might need some space. It sounds like those nights out give him the chance to see friends without having to share his attention with a significant other.

It's also possible that this is how he's making it clear that you're not "officially dating." Based on what you described in your letter, you're very much together – you just can't deal with the label right now. But if you're over every night and by his side at a bar or restaurant, you're basically his serious girlfriend. Maybe that's why he's enforcing this boundary.

Those are my two guesses. But he's the one with the real answer. You should ask him if there's a reason he doesn't want you to go out with his friends. You can also ask whether he's getting enough time with them on his own.

Maybe the solution is going out together, without company. It sounds like you're in the apartment a lot. Maybe it would feel nice to get outside, even if it's just the two of you.

- Meredith

Readers? Why the boundary?