Looking for good summer letters. And updates. Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com (or the form above).
First time here. I am very spiritual girl and believe that some things are meant to be. A decade ago, when I was still a teenager and my friends were meeting their first boyfriends, I always refused boys because I knew deep down in my heart that my first boyfriend would be English. I always loved English culture. I'd made a list of the qualities I wanted in "my true love" and at the end I wrote: "My boyfriend is English." I read it every day.
Until one day it came true. We met online. From the first day we met, we didn't stop talking. Then he decided to visit me, so he flew from England. We fell in love, laughing all the time. He stayed for two weeks. In his phone calls with his family, he said "Dad, I am living in Heaven." I felt so blessed, grateful, and happy.
But then I broke up with him. I went to see him in London and I got negative and insecure. I was embarrassed about my career and financial situation. His family was amazing with me, but I started to think, "How I am going to afford more flights? What his family will think about the place where I live?" When I called him for another chance (two weeks of our breakup) he told me it was "too late." I was devastated. I felt horrible.
It's been years since then and I can't let it go. He is with another girl and they have been together for years. My whole life feels wrong, and I know I created all of this. I thought about having children with him. I thought he was the one. How do I live with this?
You are a spiritual woman who knew your first boyfriend would be English. You waited for him – and then he appeared! It does seem meant to be (if you believe in that kind of thing).
But here's something to consider: When you made that Mary Poppins-esque wish list for your first boyfriend, you didn't know that he would stick around forever. You didn't believe that you were fated to be his betrothed.
Really, if you'd been sure he was the one, you wouldn't have broken up with him. You would have felt in your soul that your love was more important than material concerns. But you did let him go – because the whole thing felt wrong. Let's call your decision to walk away part of the greater plan. It's an experience that will lead you to your next partner.
Maybe it's time to write a new list. Think about the person who could you distract you from these bad feelings. What would he be like? What would he talk about? When you're finished, start looking. If you believe in fate, you know this is all part of the process.
Readers? Let's all believe in destiny for a day and help this LW.