When is it worth it to try long-distance?

I've been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years and we both just graduated from college. Our post-graduation plans are taking us to separate East Coast cities, and I'm trying to decide if I should end it now or attempt to make a long-distance relationship work.

We've had a lot of fun together, and the relationship has been a positive thing in my life, but at times it has also felt like more work than it should be. We are not well suited for each other in the long term.

How do you know if you are happy enough with someone to commit to the relationship for long-distance? How much effort should anyone have to put into reconciling different personalities and communication styles? When does this reconciliation amount to forcing two puzzle pieces that just don't fit? And how do you know when to fight for a relationship or when to let go?

– Making an Effort


Long-distance seems worth it when you're so into someone that you want to be near them – and make plans around them – in the future. If you said, "I need to take this job now, but it's imperative that I live close to this man in in another two years," the long-distance option would make some sense. But you make no mention of hopes for a life with this person. You don't even seem that bummed out about having to live in different states.

You ask about puzzle pieces and how much work you should do to make them fit. Sometimes it takes a ton of effort to keep a good relationship together. Often, people who fit together well still struggle to share their lives. If you've read other letters in this column, you know that communication isn't easy, and maintaining happiness requires work.

But you have to want to do the work. You have to be excited about it. You don't sound thrilled to do much with your boyfriend. Also, you don't talk about love.

It sounds like you want to start your post-college life as a single person, and that's OK. Just remember that it will feel lonely and strange for a bit. Give yourself time to settle into your new routine before jumping to any conclusions about what you're missing.

– Meredith

Readers? Should they stay together? Wait and see how they feel after the move?