We’ve made a pact to see each other in a year

Harpoon is hosting Love Letters for a night. Tickets come with a book and beer. There are also soft pretzels. Bring friends and your book club.

I have been in a relationship for three years. We knew each other as friends for six years before we started seeing each other. At the end of 2017, she attempted to break it off, but after a short period of space, she said she needed me in her life, and I needed her, too.

At the start of this year, she broke it off again, and we have not seen each other since. She admits she overthinks everything, but I know I can't change her mind.

We have been communicating through text – we were actually texting about your book and podcast, and it was helping us. What we are finding out is that we need each other to get through this breakup – because our friendship and love for each other is so deep. We have made a goal to see each other in a year and be best friends again. Are we on the correct path?

I'm also wondering whether couples therapy is a good option to help us save our great connection.

– Getting Stronger Every Day


Some exes become great friends after a breakup. In your case, it helps that you knew this woman for six years before you pursued a romantic relationship. You already know what it's like to be with her without being with her.

That said, I'm not sure you should be challenging yourself to figure this out on any particular schedule. The "we'll be BFFs in a year" deadline is stressful and time consuming. Instead of using your emotional energy to move on, you're devoting all of it to being there for your ex in a new way. I know you want to fast forward and get to the next phase in your relationship, but it takes time. You might need months to to accept that it's really over.

And that’s my next point – that you shouldn't be pursuing a friendship until you've accepted that the breakup is real. Your idea for couples therapy is lovely, but ... doesn't it suggest that you're a couple? I mean, I never advise against going to therapy, but if your endgame is to save your romantic relationship, you're not on the right path.

Your best bet is to undo the deadline because you don't know how you'll feel in a year. Give yourself the space to change your mind. Know that you won't get over this if she continues to be the center of your universe.

– Meredith

Readers? Can they get over each other and become friends and the same time?