One more day of holiday updates. We'll be back Monday.
The first update is from someone whose partner was adding to the cable bill.
I was the woman who wrote in about my boyfriend who racked up the cable bill with some adult entertainment movies. I mentioned it to him, there was no drama, and it was fine. We had a laugh over it, he paid the bill, and now it's all free internet stuff, unless it's an occasion where we choose to rent one together.
The real underlying issue in my letter (which some people definitely picked up on, others ... not so much) was how to discuss finances with your significant other, because unfortunately it can be an uncomfortable situation. In our case, we had only been living together for a month or two and we were definitely still navigating the waters. The first year, money was tight for us, and it forced a lot of these conversations. I'm actually thankful that it did. At one point I told him if we couldn't discuss finances, our relationship would never make it.
Two and a half years after this writing this letter, we are engaged. Now our financial conversations are more about planning to pay off debt, saving for a house, etc. I have no desire to have a wedding, so we are just saving for a home.
So I'm sorry to disappoint some of you who were waiting of the update of "my husband is addicted to porn" letter. This one was all about the money! Thanks to those who read between the lines, and gave solid advice about communication about finances ... and then some!
The next update is from a recent letter writer who wanted to be serious.
Well, I could only stomach some of the comments, but I did take your advice to heart. I got the guy on the phone and told him I was making a very expensive plane reservations to see him that next week, to have a face to face talk. He told me not to spend the money, as we could have the conversation by phone, which we did. He told me he prefers the solitary life, he's a loner, and could not say the three words I needed to hear. So I ended the very short call. I blocked him on my phone so I couldn't see any texts or missed calls. I needed that break. I did have a weak moment and unblocked him for a day, and sure enough I got a text from him. I told him via text not to contact me unless his feelings changed. I have not heard from him since. It's been about a month and I'm doing OK. I know it's going to take some time. I am going to move this fall, but to a city and state that makes me happy.
The next update is from a very, very recent letter writer. Also, I have a soothing voice.
Not long after the letter, she reached out to me and invited me over to her place ... to hang out with her and her new boyfriend. I politely declined and told her there was a reason I had kept my distance the past few weeks. I didn't go into details, but she knew I was upset.
Cut to almost a month later and she reaches out to me again. She wanted to squash this beef between us. I told her this wasn't exactly a beef. I told her that after all that we have been through, it was time for me to let her go. She was not happy to hear that at all. She said I was her best friend.
So I went over to her place to talk. I told her everything – how the time away made me realize it was time for me to go, and that I had finally reached my limit with her. And, yes, I told her how I removed anything that reminded me of her, including the Hulu app. She understood where I was coming from, but still insisted we can be friends. Before I left her place, I actually suggested that she listen to your podcast, specifically the Friend Zone episode. She contacted me the day after and told me she'd listened to the episode. (She thinks you have a soothing voice.) She still wants to be friends but was willing to give me the time and distance to heal. I told her I couldn't make any promises. And that was that.
It really takes an outside opinion for me to open my eyes. So thanks for your insight.
The final update is from one of our first letter writers. She attached a picture, and they look very happy.
This is my 2nd update! It has been almost a decade since I first wrote in about my relationship with a boyfriend who is 12 years younger than me. He didn't put a "ring on it," but I realized that it wasn't all that important to me. We've been together for nearly 15 years now and he has made his way to the East Coast and is working as a professor. I'm a few hours away, so we have a a long-distance, commuter-like relationship. But we hope to change that in the future!
Send your own letter here. See you Monday.