I have a crush on my husband’s friend

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Hi,

I'm a married women with kids. I've been with my husband for 15 for years and have had a crush on his very close friend for almost five years now. It all began ages ago when the friend and I first met and there was this amazing spark. There was so much amazing energy, and every time we've seen each other since that moment, there's always something there. He'll grab me for a hug or touch my hand and it's ... soooo nice.

We have so much in common, but obviously I can’t be with him. He's single and dating, and sometimes it makes me jealous and upset. I know I have no right to feel those things. I'm pretty sure he reciprocates my feelings; a few of my friends have picked up on his behavior around me and confirmed that I'm not going crazy.

Anyway, I'm still in love with my husband and am still sexually attracted to him, but I can't stop thinking about his friend. With my husband, I have a happy, lovely life. But with this other man, there's a spark and it's so powerful. I know I'm never going to be with him because that's how it has to be. But I need to know how to stop thinking about him. He's on my mind 24-7 and it's getting worse.

Please help.

– Just Friends


It sounds like this crush has put you on a hamster wheel. You want to stop thinking about your husband's friend, but every time you try to stop yourself, you start thinking about him even more. If you're telling yourself, "I can't think about him!," he's already on your mind. You're spinning in circles. You have to jump off the wheel.

The best way to do that is to shift your focus to your husband. It is possible to find that giddy excitement with the person you married. Sometimes it's all about changing your routine.

What can you do to add romance and spontaneity to your relationship? Can you take a trip? Find intimacy at a new time or a in a new place? Focus your energy on sparking up this marriage. Find some surprises that please you both.

It might help to remember that crushes are normal. You're supposed to have them, and they don't mean you're falling in love with someone new. Get used to having these feelings and dismissing them for what they are. Also, consider keeping them to yourself. It's fun to talk to friends about this kind of thing, but it's not a good idea if the conversation turns the infatuation into something that feels like a real option.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you get over this kind of crush?