An early note about an October event: Newtonville Books has a book club where authors discuss famous/classic books. On Oct. 23, I'll be leading a book club event about Anne Rice's "Interview With the Vampire." (If you read "Can't Help Myself," you know that there's an entire chapter about vampires and how they relate to this column.) You can read "Interview" with friends and meet up to discuss it that night. I'm mentioning it now so you have time to sink your teeth into it. :)
I've been married for 11 years. Recently, an ex started emailing me looking to re-connect. He and I were together for many years and even lived together, and we probably would have gotten married, but I thought we were too young at the time.
He is also married but wants to sext and email constantly about sexual things he wants us to do together. We had an amazing and adventurous sex life, and we now both have vanilla sex lives. He wants to meet up, and I sort of want to as well. I know it's wrong, but I really just want to have sex with him for one night and then go on my merry way.
I have been super unhappy sexually and emotionally with my husband for many years, but I don't plan on ever leaving him (for many reasons). Just how bad is sexting/dirty emailing?
– How bad?
"Just how bad is sexting/dirty emailing?" I mean, it's pretty bad. If you're in the kind of marriage that involves sexual exclusivity (not all do), this crosses a line. The texts have already led you to fantasize about a meetup. The conversations are making you want a lot more.
As for that meetup ... I don't believe that you'll be able to see this ex once and then go on your merry way. If the one rendezvous goes well, you'll probably want to enjoy this man again. Maybe many times. You know how quickly you went from sexting to thinking about an in-person sex romp. Why would it end there?
You say you can't leave your husband for many reasons, but ... is it possible to talk to him about your unhappiness? This ex has made it clear that you need more from your relationship. Think about whether you can ask your partner to talk about what's missing.
Readers? Thoughts on the ex?