Remind me how to pursue a crush

Hi Meredith,

I am 34 and single. It's been over a year since I have been in a relationship. The last one really killed me and it took me moving cities, jobs (we worked together), and more than a year to feel almost ready to get back in the game. Finally there is someone who is interesting; he's new to my company, single, and I have a crush.

This would not be dating another person at work because I'm about to start a job at a new company. I am having drinks with a bunch of coworkers for my last day. I will work up the courage to ask if he is going to come, but if he doesn't, should I send him a message asking to get a drink another time? We know each other and have chatted a few times, but he is not someone I would normally ask to grab a beer. But I don't want to miss a chance with someone who seems interesting after a year of no one. I am very nervous about getting back in and the game and I realized I don't actually know how to!

— How do you date again?


Your instincts are good. You do remember how to do this.

You can ask him if he plans to help you celebrate your office exit. If he can't come, you can send him a note letting him know that you're open to getting together another time. Feel free to give him this information after you walk out the door. Yes, you're leaving the company, but it's nice to maintain boundaries.

No matter what he says or does, the good news is you have a crush. Please take a moment to celebrate that, because it's a big deal. Nerves are good. Feelings are good, in general. All of this confusion is a sign that you care, and that is pretty excellent.

As you think about this person, please remember that you can multi-task. This is just one crush, but there can be more. It's a good time to seek out other possibilities – online or in person. Let friends know you're ready. Look around to see who else sparks your imagination. Try not to let this work person stand for too much. At this point, it's just supposed to be fun.

– Meredith

Readers? Any advice on pursuing a crush?