He says we can’t overcome the distance

Seeking updates from former letter writers. If you're a former letter writer, let us know how it all worked out. Send your update with "update" in the subject line to meredith.goldstein@globe.com. Include your original email address so I know it's you.

Dear Meredith,

I believe I have met the love of my life. He is in the military and had to move across the country. We dated for a couple of months on the East Coast before deciding we were ready to dive into a bicoastal relationship. The feelings and the effort were there. But somehow, overnight, he decided that this relationship just isn't going to work because of the distance.

I have always been a firm believer in just plain "making it work" if the feelings are there. I believe he is too logical. We have tried the no-contact rule, as well as dating others. Our feelings toward one another feel very mutual, yet he continues to stay firm about not being able to handle distance. We are still in contact and both communicate our longing for one another and how we do not want to feel the way we do. I am caught between forcing myself to move on and staying in this place where I hope maybe someday he'll drop the distance excuse and we'll start this up again. Just looking for some solace in any way.

– Half my heart is deployed


This kind of long-distance relationship requires attention, energy, and a ton of positive thinking. But this man has made it clear he's not up for it. He doesn't want to have to make it work when you're so far away. The best thing you can do for yourself is believe him and let go.

You say you’ve tried the "no contact rule," but you need to do that again – for real this time. Let him know that if he can't be with you, you have to take care of yourself. Treat it like an official breakup and find other people to turn to when you get sad about it. Part of the problem here is that you're reaching out to him for comfort even though he's the person at the center of this grief. I understand that hearing his voice or reading his words might make you feel better, but in the long run, that connection is what's holding you back.

I wish I could give you some solace here. All I can say is that this person isn't the love of your life. He's one love of your life for sure, but there are more.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it possible that he'll change his mind over time?