‘I’ll probably never say anything unless she initiates’

Still looking for holiday updates. Also: Because it's almost our 10th anniversary (Jan. 22 – the appropriate gift is aluminum), I'd really love updates from the first two years of the column. I'll happily take all updates, but if you're a former letter writer from a decade ago, please tell us where you are now. All updates can be sent to Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com.

Dear Meredith,

I moved across the country about a year ago and left family and friends to "start anew." It was something I wanted to do for a while and I'm still working out whether I regret it or not.

Back home, I had a major crush on someone at my gym – my trainer. We got along well, joked and laughed together often, and I obviously loved seeing her whenever I was there. This crush was definitely one-sided as she was in a relationship (and a professional, I'm sure).

Fast forward to a few months ago. She is now single and sent me a flirty message on social media, and I've been thinking about her ever since – and had been even before I got that message. She sent me another message a few days ago implying she wanted to see me when I was home next, but no plans were made. Part of me fears I'm playing it cool and inevitably messing things up because she would have no idea I'm interested. Another part of me is wondering if she's still on my mind because I haven't had much luck dating since I've moved (that could be another LL ...).

I'm not sure if I should do something about this or just let it be a crush – especially since I don't even live locally and I'm not sure when I would move back there. I'm not one to put myself out there, so I feel like I'll probably never say anything unless she initiates something. However, I can't get her off my mind. Thoughts?

– Wondering


If you're coming back to town, make plans to see her. Be specific with a request for coffee or a meal. Initiate that much – otherwise this could be a fantasy forever.

The good news here is that you're no longer her client. That means it's easier to navigate how and why she wants to see you. At the very least, it sounds like she wants to be a nice acquaintance who keeps in touch. That's a good start. Just make it clear you'd like to get together outside of the gym.

Even if nothing happens and the coffee date is clearly platonic (or she doesn't follow through with seeing you at all), you'll have some answers. Maybe that'll make it easier to date where you are, because I'm sure it doesn't help to be fantasizing about what you left behind.

Crushes can take over our brains in and turn the objects of our affections into supernatural perfect beings. It's not healthy or helpful. Before that feeling of longing gets out of control, you should try to be with her in person. Find out if she's truly interested. Then you can let her in – or let her go.

– Meredith

Readers? Make plans?