From living together to long-distance

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I'm doing long-distance with my boyfriend and we've been together for two and a half years. Before we started long-distance, we agreed to FaceTime and call as much as possible, but now that we're in different places and he's living with his friends, it's not playing out as planned. I've been very patient and understanding with him, but now he's talking about going out to clubs and strip clubs with his friends.

My boyfriend still tries to put limitations on me but wants none for him. I know he loves me because at the end of the day, he makes it work. But is it worth going through all of this just to maybe be together in the future? I’ve invested so much time and love into this that it's hurting me to think about walking away. He keeps complaining about how he wants to have a "normal relationship" but he doesn't understand that long-distance requires a lot of communication; it's not like a "normal relationship." To make matters worse, before we were long-distance, we lived together for a year. We've been through a lot and truly make each other happy when we're together, but the distance has brought new problems to this relationship and has made me see a different side of him.

– Limited


Will there be an end to the distance? It sounds like that's the big question here. Some couples are great at staying close while far away, but you two are not. That means you need a specific date on the calendar for closing the gap. If this is setup is ongoing with no end in sight, I don't see it working.

Even if the distance isn't forever, it's important that you meet in the middle on communication. Maybe you want to FaceTime every day, but he'd rather text. Instead of fighting about the calls you didn't receive, ask him what feels appropriate to him. Let him know that he should respect your schedule – and that this is supposed to involve some compromise.

The big question I have about your letter involves those limitations. What are they and why doesn't he share them? This won't work if you feel like you have to follow rules that are only made for you. You should be able to fill your time with as many friends and activities as possible. That's what's working for him.

– Meredith

Readers? Limitations? Communication? How do you go from living together to long-distance?