I'm in love with a friend of mine. I met him last year (I'm in college) and we've been rather close. We both took an interest in each other very quickly. I realized my romantic feelings a few days after. The issue is that I have no idea if this person likes me back. Whenever I'm with him, my feelings are overwhelming and I feel like there might be something, but I don't know if I'm just seeing what I want to see. Our relationship is that of friends on the outside, but there is a deeper connection we share. What really stands out to me is how he cares about me. He worries about my emotional/mental/physical state more than anyone else ever has.
The problem is that the year ended with us still just friends, and then we both changed schools. Meeting up is less possible. We text, but often about school. We don't talk as much as we used to. I know we were very close and I really want to see him on a regular basis, but I respect him way too much to ask to see him more or trouble him with questions about my feelings. I also know that he hasn't been sitting around and pining for this; I know he hooked up with someone at the end of school last year.
I am also wondering if he is trying to avoid me now, since he is not engaging with me as much, and, if so, what that means. Should I pursue these feelings?
– In Love
"I respect him way too much to ask to see him more or trouble him with questions about my feelings."
If you feel like you can't talk to this man or ask to see him, you must let him go. You're suffering in silence, analyzing all of the ways you interacted with him last year. 2019 is a good time to ask for what you want – or walk away. There is no reason to stay in this limbo.
Your best bet is to ask him if he wants to get together soon. If he does, great. Make a plan, hang out, and think about whether last year's magic is still there (it might not be). If you're still feeling something like love – or even intense like – ask him if he's open to more than friendship. Really, there is no reason to avoid getting answers here. You're at the point where you need to take the next step with him or move on.
I understand that it feels easier to stew over this. To fantasize. To wonder.
But you're ready for the truth. That's why you wrote this letter.
Readers? Any reason to avoid these questions?