Seeking updates from former letter writers. If you're a former letter writer, email me at Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com to tell us what happened and how you're doing. Put "update" in the subject line and include your original email address so I know it's you.
If you need holiday book gifts, I'll be signing/personalizing some stock at Trident Booksellers & Cafe tomorrow at 1, probably while eating a burger. Come by and say hello.
Today's letter writer should meet this one.
I met this girl online, we hit it off, and I got her number. There was a lot of texting and flirting. Then we had a first date and things moved quickly. It wasn't long before I was staying over once or twice a week, met her best friends and family, and was invited to join her at an important event. It was all going great.
The problem was that she just got out of a long-term relationship and was not over him. After two months of dating, I asked her to be my girlfriend in a romantic way, and a week later she texted me to say that she can't be in a relationship with me because it's too soon, she was sorry, etc.
I asked her not to end it. I said we didn't have to call it a relationship and that we could slow things down. She agreed but seemed hesitant. It's been two weeks since then and I haven't really seen her. We arranged to go on a date and she canceled on me last-minute and did something else instead. I was hoping to see her at a music show last week, but she wanted just to do her own thing with her friends.
On my way home from that show, I bumped into her briefly by accident; we talked for a few minutes and she left to go. I wanted to kiss her goodbye. She tried to give me a hug and I asked if I could kiss her. She turned her head and I got her cheek. I said I missed her and she said she would talk to me later.
We are still texting but I'm not getting anything from her. I'm trying to give her space, but I'm in so much pain thinking about her and missing her. I think I may be in love with her already. Anyone I speak to about this has said that I just need to patient with her. I don't know what to do. We had a pregnancy scare already, as well. I was preparing for her to tell me she was pregnant and I'll admit that I was disappointed when she said she wasn't, and I don't know why. I need help.
– Missing her
"She agreed but seemed hesitant."
That's because she wasn't really on board. Part 2 of this relationship has been about you chasing someone who wants to do her own thing. She's showing you over and over that she doesn't want to be in a relationship.
If you consider this a breakup and redefine that last phone call, you'll be able to give your brain the chance to get over this. Right now, your mind is set on making this work. But if you know it won't, you can pursue other things. Your friends are telling you to be patient, but that's not the right advice here. She never asked you to wait for her to change her mind. You're the only one who's pushing for more.
Please remember that you miss Part 1 of the relationship because she wanted to be with you. It felt good to get her attention because she showed up by choice. If you have to persuade, cajole, or corner her into being your partner, it won't be as it was.
You want something she can't deliver. It's time to accept that and let go.
Readers? Is this about patience or accepting that it's over?