A friend’s husband is on Tinder

I'm single and on dating apps. While swiping through Tinder, I saw my friend's husband. I know without a doubt it was him. He and my friend met on Tinder three years ago and got married shortly after, so I think he would have deleted his profile by now. I was in shock when I saw it and my first reaction was to share it with my friend. I accidentally swiped left on him because of my panic before I got a chance to share it or screenshot it. They are not in an open relationship.

I am torn about what to do now. Do I let my friend know what I saw, having no proof, or just keep my mouth shut while she may be living with an unfaithful spouse? I see this friend maybe once a month, but she and I were best friends in high school and I care for her deeply. I have never had a bad interaction with her husband, but now I'm suspicious of his character. I want to hope he just never got around to deleting his profile, but three years is a long time for it to still exist.

– On Tinder


I can make a case for sharing this information with your friend. I can also make a case for keeping it to yourself.

If you're not really close with this fried – if those monthly visits are small talk and a coffee – I'd keep the information to yourself. You don't know enough about this woman's marriage to get involved. You can't assume anything about his motives or her interests. Maybe she's on Tinder, too.

But if you are very close with her, and you do share intimate things about your lives, you can consider telling her the way you told us. You can explain that you saw him on there, swiped left, and wanted to make sure he knew his profile still lingers. It doesn't have to sound like the end of the world.

You don't have to make a decision right this second, by the way. If you see her a few more times, perhaps without him, maybe you'll feel the urge to forget or disclose.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on telling?