He kissed someone else

Hi Mere,

I'm 21 years old and I've been dating my boyfriend for the last year and a half. He is a thoughtful and loving man, and recently opened up to me about his guilt over feeling attracted to another girl, a classmate. He said he was going to end his friendship with her because of this. He told me that he had been cheated on before and never wanted to put me through the same thing. I thought this was odd, and I asked him if he had feelings for her, and he told me he didn't and that he loved me and wanted me.

Yesterday, he asked to talk to me again, and he revealed that they had actually kissed. She had initiated it and then he pulled away, telling her to stop. The kiss happened before he talked with me about it the first time, but he was too nervous to tell me when we first talked about it. I told my boyfriend that I needed time to think about our relationship. He responded by giving me a card. It had my favorite song printed on it, and he wrote that he was sorry for his mistake and asked me to give him a second chance. He wrote that he would respect my decision. Right now I feel at a loss for what to do and would appreciate advice.

– What now?


You say you needed time to think about your relationship. Now that you've had some space, what has come to mind? You call this boyfriend thoughtful and loving, but are you happy? Do you have fun with him? What has kept you around for the last year?

If you know what works about the relationship, you'll have a better idea of what you're trying to save. People make mistakes, and it seems like he really wants to learn from this one. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself the opportunity to see whether the two of you can move past this together.

I can't promise that this won't happen again. I would imagine, though, that if it does, you'll be ready for a different conversation. Really, it's worth remembering that you can always walk away later. Whatever decision you make now doesn't have to apply to forever.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts?