Should I tell my roommate I love him?

I moved into a home where the landlord chooses the roommates. One night, I came home to an interviewee. I didn't think twice about him, just a vague idea that "yeah, he would make an OK roommate." He moved in and from the first moment we spoke, he remembered little things about me. He brought his own extra pans to cook meat because I expressed my veganism early on. We would always chat a little before we went off to pursue our own plans. It's reminded me of a snowball rolling down a hill, gaining momentum. In the past month, I have fallen in love. As Catherine from "Wuthering Heights" says, "Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same." We share interests and tastes, but are different enough to provoke reflection within each other.

At first I thought it was just infatuation. I suffer from bipolar disorder, and my moods, feelings, and emotions can change. I thought the feelings would fade, but each day, no matter how I'm feeling, I still look forward to nighttime. That's when we sit, him in the love seat, reading a book, newspaper, or magazine. I watch him from the floor where I study. Then we fall into long conversations.

In the morning, when I say "see you tonight," he replies with a "hopefully." We discuss plans, ideas, and morals, and our desire for children and a companion to hold us through the night. Are we both in love? Does he think of me as just a roommate? A friend? As I write this, I realize I’m only giving you part of the story. There have been times when it seems he wants to disappear without a word.

Should I let the passing of time dictate the outcome? How can I ignore this, when he gently breezes my thigh or hand when playing with my dog, or when he offers me a piece of my favorite dark chocolate? I love him, and that is all that I am sure of.

– Confused and in love


The snowball is getting too big. That means it's time to discuss these feelings.

Yes, if you tell him, you risk the comfort of your living situation, but that's already a problem. You're not at ease in your own home because of this roommate. If you're not going to date this man, you should be able to live where you don't have to wonder about him every day. The goal is to get some answers so you can move things along with him – or move on. (That might involve an actual move.)

My only piece of advice – beyond seeking the care you need for your mental health  – is to remember that you do not know what it's like to date this roommate. Do not pretend that you have all the answers or that you're a Bronte character who should jump to very big conclusions about souls. It certainly sounds like you've fallen for this non-vegan roommate, but you don't know what he's like as a partner. Please do not write this story before you've lived it.

Right now he's simply someone with potential. He's not your everything.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the LW disclose these feelings?