‘He seemed to be everything I wanted’

I've been seeing this guy for the past three and a half months. We met on a dating app and seemed to have quite a bit of chemistry. We're both quite busy with work, so not texting every day is normal for us. When we started hanging out out, it was a lot of cuddling and watching movies and having deep life talks. We'd go to dinner. He'd talk about things like his family, an ex, scenarios of if/when he had kids. Every time he thought I was going to leave, he'd ask me to stay longer. And he seemed to be everything I wanted.

From the beginning, he talked about how he was always "brutally honest" with people. About a month and a half into whatever this was, I told him I was developing feelings for him. He replied that it was OK and expected, given how much time we spent together. He told me that while he didn't want a relationship at the time – and I didn't either – he still wanted to see me and would tell me if he didn't.

But he grew increasingly distant when we weren't together. Despite saying that he wasn’t getting bored with me and that he definitely wanted to still see me, the times we saw each other became more infrequent. What's worse is that each time we did see each other, he was lovelier, for lack of better word.

Then one night he texts me, I reply, and then nothing. The next day he's updated his profile on the dating app, and I never heard from him again. As if we didn't just spend so much time together. I'm still confused about the entire thing. Should I just take the same approach and forget anything ever happened? I don't know how to continue from here. Thanks for your time.

– What happened?


"He told me that while he didn't want a relationship at the time – and I didn't either ..."

Well, that's the first problem. You did – and do – want a relationship. You were happy when it felt like he was part of your routine. You looked forward to sharing important information your lives, and preferred to keep in touch between visits. Seeing someone regularly and bonding over things like family is relationship stuff. It's not terrible for you to want that kind of partnership. If you can admit that, it will make your dating life so much easier.

This man said he'd tell you if he didn't want to see you anymore. He sort of did – not with words, but with actions. He made it clear that he only wanted to see you on his terms, and that even though he could be lovely when he showed up, it was always temporary.

Don't forget what happened, but consider it part of your dating history. Remember that he told you from the start that he did not want a relationship. So that's what happened. And that's why it's time to move on.

– Meredith

Readers? What happened?