We can’t sleep together

Meredith,

I am dating a really nice guy. We are very, very much on the same page about taking things slow in our relationship. We have amazing sex, we seem to be building a fabulous friendship, and enjoy each other's company. Everything is just as they should be in our relationship.

However, we can't sleep together. I literally mean sleep. Prior to our relationship of six months, he was used to sleeping alone. At 6'3 and 260 pounds, he is twice my size he hogs the entire king-size bed. Sometimes I find myself nearly falling off the bed or sleeping in awkward positions just to be able to sleep. Waking him up all night to move over causes him to be a little crabby the next day. Then there's the fact that I snore. The ugly loud kind when I finally do sleep. He has put in ear plugs and that helps some, but it still causes him to not sleep restfully.

It's too bad that every part of our relationship seems to be growing into something very special – except for sleeping together. It's something that has both of us very frustrated. How important is sleeping together in a relationship?

– Wide Awake


Sharing a bed to sleep is not an essential part of intimacy. I imagine that many of the coupled people who comment here will tell you they don't always retire for the night right next to their partners, spooning them like they're in a movie. Some couples share a bed but go to sleep at entirely different times just to avoid each other's snoring/rolling/tossing/talking/turning.

If your hours asleep are the most troubling part of the relationship right now, you're in very good shape.  Also ... I'm sure the person you're dating has had this conversation before. With others. Perhaps it's worth having a candid talk with him about how he'd like to make this work.

There's so much pressure for couples – especially new couples – to do things a certain way. To fall asleep together. To buy a certain kind of gift on Valentine's Day. If you treat each other with respect and figure out what makes you both happy – on your own terms – you're doing the relationship right, I swear. Even if it means you're on a pull-out couch in another room.

– Meredith

Readers? Coupled readers? How do you sleep?