Is it too early to ask big questions?

My boyfriend and I haven't been together long; it's only been eight months. I'm 21 and he's 27. We have a normal healthy relationship we get along great – but he doesn't want to get married or have kids. I don't want to get married yet; I'm 21 and still going to school. But I do know I want kids in the future. But he confirmed to me he will not have kids with me or anyone else.

He doesn't like talking about the future, in general. I can't even plan something for next month. He likes living day by day, which makes me feel like I don't have any security about us. I just want to know if he sees a future with me like I see a future with him. He was engaged before and was with his ex for six years before they broke up. They were living together.

We have talked about moving in, but he wants me to move in with him at his parents’ house first, to see is we can deal with each other before moving out on our own. But I can't help but feel like I'm being punished sometimes. He gave everything to his ex but I feel like I have to earn it. I've been taught to be independent. I take care of myself. Is it normal for me to think about things like kids or ask questions about the subject, even though we haven't been together long?

- Questions


I mean, eight months isn't nothing. It can be enough time to figure out whether someone makes you happy and shares your priorities. Some couples wouldn't dream of talking about the future at this point, but many do. If you know what you're working for in the relationship, it makes sense to find out whether you're in it together.

He's done a good thing by telling you what he doesn't want. He’s been very clear about the kid thing; he has no plans for them and seems very certain about it. That seems like the deal-breaker, really. You want kids, which means that if you stay with him, it’s because you think he'll change his mind. All that does is create pressure and resentment. You'll be waiting on him to agree to do something he's told you he doesn’t want to do. That sounds very unpleasant.

You have one positive line in this letter, that third sentence where you say the two of you "get along great." That might be true sometimes, but it's not the case overall. At eight months, you seem to know enough.

– Meredith

Readers? Should the LW give it more months?