He’s already seeing someone else

Dear Meredith,

I was recently in a relationship with a guy in the military. We had been dating for a little over five years and started dating in high school. I was with him through everything, including when he went to basic training. We did long distance for about two and a half years. That was until he decided to break up with me out of nowhere. We made plans for me to move out of state to live with him, and he had recently bought me plane tickets to go see him. Suddenly one weekend, though, he started to get really distant. That was when I asked him if everything was fine and he told me he just wasn't happy. As confusing as it was for me, it was even worse because he had just told me two days prior that he wanted me to move there.

Its been a little over a month since he broke up with me, and I still can't get him out of my head. I still see things on social media that upset me and bring me back down. He is seeing another girl that he met where he lives and I can't help but think that he broke up with me because of her. He claims they were just friends but I can't believe that. I constantly think of him and how he is so much happier with her, but here I am dwelling in the past and still so upset over it. I don't know what to do. I just don't understand how you can do that to someone you claim to love. I cry often about it and feel like I'm all alone because the only person I want to talk to is him. I would just love some advice from you that could help me move on with my life. Thank you.

– All Alone


"I can't help but think that he broke up with me because of her."

Maybe, but probably not. Usually with breakups, it’s never just one thing. It's about feelings changing over time and decisions that bump you to a new path. In this case, it sounds like age, distance, and all sorts of other factors played into the decision to let go. I'm so sorry it hurts so much, but it doesn't do much good to try to figure out his motives.

There are some more productive things you should do to move on, and the first is to block him on social media. Then make it impossible for you to circumvent that block (I know there are tricks). Social media is bad for you right now because it doesn't always show the truth. Instagram, for instance, literally provides a bunch of filters to make our lives brighter, rosier, maybe more mysterious. These tiny social media updates won't tell you when your ex is content, sad, or when he misses you. It's better to assume that he's been having many different kinds of feelings about his life. Not every moment gets documented with a picture.

You also need to train yourself to seek other people when you need to talk. Friends can be great at counsel and distractions, so please find them. Try to think about others when you can, because breakups can make us very selfish. Sometimes it's good to listen to someone else’s problems for 45 minutes. It can be a good reality check.

– Meredith

Readers? Social media?