One thing led to another …

Dear Meredith,

Hello! I'm 20 years old, and I've recently had my first sexual experience with a really good friend of mine. We've been friends for a little more than two years, and our friendship has always been a bit messy – I'll be the first to admit that. I had a huge crush on him for a while, and when I tried to express that a few months back, he suggested it would be better to stay friends. And I was content with that. I thought if anything was going to happen between us, it would have by now, so I tried to moved on.

He's always been the impulsive, head-over-heels in love type of person, jumping from one relationship to another. I don't have much relationship experience personally; I've never even had a boyfriend. A couple of weeks ago, he invited me to visit him at his new place and see this band we both love. After the concert, we were drinking and hanging out when he kissed me out of the blue. One thing lead to another, and the rest is history.

I figured the next day things would be odd, but I sincerely thought we would eventually get back to normal and be friends again. Now we don't talk as much as we used to, and I'm lucky if he opens my messages, let alone responds. He has insisted that things are fine between us, but I don't feel that is the case. I didn’t want to come off as clingy or obsessive, especially since it was my first time, so I gave him more space and that didn't help either. I understand we won't ever have a relationship, and I am genuinely OK with that, but since losing the friendship, I’m at such a loss. I have exhausted this conversation with my other friends, and they all tell me I'm better off without him in my life. I can't help but miss him, and spend an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out what went wrong. I have been wondering if I did or said something strange or if he doesn't want to be friends with someone so "easy." I can’t help but feel as though I ruined a good thing. Thanks in advance.

– Poked the Bear

I agree with your friends. This man is not doing any work to be part of your life. You can be hurt and upset and take your space.

My guess (and it's only a guess) is that he's avoiding you because he fears leading you on, and that he feels bad because he knows the night probably meant a lot to you. If that's the case, he's behaving like a coward. It doesn't take much to have a simple conversation about expectations.

Please know that you didn't do anything to push him away. And please don't use the word "easy." You both decided to sleep with each other. He's accountable, too.

If you hadn't had the night together, sure, the friendship might be as it was, but .... it doesn’t sound like it was that great. You had unrequited feelings that you constantly had to keep in check. You say you "tried to move on" – but you hadn't. Now, at least, you can. You know the answer to all of the what-ifs. He's made his limitations clear.

– Meredith

Readers? Anything to make this LW feel better about this experience?