The latest episode of the Love Letters podcast is out today. It's a very important episode. I do recommend starting from the beginning of the season. Find every episode here.
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A month ago, I began dating "Robby." Robby is so different from me. I am a creative producer, and he's training to be an officer in the military. We have very different lives but seemed to balance each other out. After we began dating, I realized Robby had some anger issues, seemingly flipping a switch and getting annoyed at me for very small issues (like me changing the radio station or trying to rest on him while he was paying attention to a movie). It seems like he is someone who really likes to be in control and when he isn't, he gets angry. When I'd get upset and stop talking during these moments (how I deal with him upsetting me), he'd always apologize for his behavior.
Honestly, at first these just seemed like random one-offs but as time goes on I realize that it's just his personality, maybe one part of himself that he hides at first. I can't help but feel like I'm emotionally detaching myself from him, expecting it to not last. He's said "I love you" (I know ... super quickly) and will often tell me how much he cares about me, etc. It seems confusing, and I would rather invest my time into someone who doesn't make me feel less-than for my normal behavior. I don't know how to break it off. He hasn't exactly done anything really wrong and has always apologized and otherwise been nothing but sweet. None of these "fights" have been a full-blown argument and I guess I'm almost looking for a reason to end things. Thoughts?
– Less Than
You don't have to have a big, obvious reason to end a relationship. There is no need to wait for some awful fight so it's easier to walk away. After a month of dating – just a month! – you've realized that Robby is not the right partner for you. The two of you have very different styles of communication. Also, based on what you said about that "I love you," you might be on different timelines for commitment.
You can talk to Robby about this with the hope that things might change. You've been silent during these angry moments, and I understand why, but it could be worth a conversation. Maybe if you discuss the issues he can change his behavior.
But ... you don't have to do that kind of work. If you've already detached, you can tell him that it's not working and that you need to move on. It won't be pleasant – he'll have no control over the fate of the relationship, and it will not feel good – but ... if you've already made a decision, it's best to let him know.
If you have any concerns about his anger/how he'll take the news, please talk to friends/family about when you're doing this, where you'll be, etc. Support systems are meant to be used.
Readers? Is there any reason to wait to end this relationship?