Should I break up with my boyfriend?

I'm unsure of whether I should break up with my boyfriend. I'm trying to abide by the mantra "no sudden moves," but I've had doubts for a couple of months now. The problem is that it has nothing to do with him. Overall, he's a sweet and attentive guy. We're both 22, out of college with full-time jobs, and this is my first real relationship. We've been together for about four months. I'm an extremely independent person, so adjusting to a real "adult relationship” after being single for so long has been really difficult, even though we only see each other once a week due to distance. When I'm with him, I'm generally happy and comfortable, though not over-the-moon excited. And when I'm not with him, I don't miss him as much as I feel I should.

After a couple of months, I could feel myself falling in love with him, but that feeling seems to have plateaued. My gut tells me that I enjoyed being single more than I enjoy being with him. This is upsetting to admit, because while single, I had always yearned for a relationship just like this. My mind wanders – what if I break up with him and a few years later I'm still single, never having found another guy? I don't want to feel regret. But I'm not sure it's fair to either of us if I continue a relationship that I don't feel excited about anymore. What would you advise? Thank you!

– No sudden moves


"... so adjusting to a real 'adult relationship' after being single for so long has been really difficult ..."

Maybe you'd prefer to be single right now. It's also possible that you'd be happy in an adult relationship that isn't long-distance. There's no reason to make any grand proclamations about what you're seeking at this point in your life. All you have to understand is that whatever you pursue, it probably shouldn't be with your current boyfriend (sorry).

I could tell you to give this relationship some time, and that perhaps your connection is evolving into something real, but ... it doesn't sound like that's what's happening. You're unmoved by your relationship, which makes long-distance that much more difficult. For this to work, you'd have to feel some real enthusiasm.

Really, the most telling part of your letter is when you say you're worried about regretting the breakup in "a few years." You're not concerned that you'll miss this person tomorrow or next week; your biggest concern is that you won’t find anyone else when you're older. That's not a reason to stick around – which means you shouldn't.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to let go?