‘She met some famous athletes at a casino bar’

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I have an issue I need some advice with. I have been married to my wife for a few years, together for about 10. We have children, and I have considered everything generally happy. However I discovered through some old Facebook messages an incident that occurred when we were engaged.

My now wife was at a bachelorette party about seven years ago. She met some famous athletes at a casino bar. I know this part because she even told me at the time. What she did not tell me was that she hung out with one of these athletes all night and then went to their hotel room later. It doesn't seem like they had sex, but stuff happened. I feel like I've been living a lie. Should I confront her? Also, does this mean she has been unfaithful beyond this encounter?

– Stuff Happened


It sounds like you should talk to your wife, because the lack of information has caused you to imagine the worst. Be very honest with her about how you discovered the information about the bachelorette party. Tell her exactly what you read and why it made you feel bad. Explain why it made you doubt all that you have.

Then listen. I'm sure she'll have something to say. If she writes this off as a decision she made long ago, please remind her that it's new to you. It makes sense for you to be on your own schedule with this.

I can't tell you what she’ll say or how you'll feel about it. All I know is that one lie doesn't mean you're living a lie. It's possible she very much regrets the experience – or doesn't – but that she's been more than capable of loving and committing to you since that party.

There's no reason to assign meaning to all of this before you hear what she has to say – or before you've had time to think about it.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it time for a talk? How to you make peace with something that happened many years ago if you're just finding out about it now?