I want to talk in person

Chat at 1 p.m.

I've been seeing a guy for a year and three months. He told me multiple times that he loved me. I asked him many times if he was still involved with his ex-wife, and he always said no. We had a disagreement and stopped talking for a few days, then three days ago he texted to tell me he missed me. I texted him the next day and he never answered me.

Today I went on Facebook and he's out of town with his ex and her friends celebrating her birthday. I sent him a text and asked him why he lied to me all this time, and he never answered me.

My question: Should I stop by his job in the next few days and ask to have a calm conversation about how/why this happened? I am devastated. I feel lost – like I'm never going to feel fine again. I'm losing it and need a conversation. Advice?

– Questions


Do not show up at his workplace. No one should show up at anybody's job for a big unexpected relationship conversation. Please respect that boundary.

It would be better to send another text asking to get together. Or better yet, make a real phone call. Let him know that you'd like to move on, and that having an in-person talk might help. He ignored the text you sent when you were upset, but perhaps he'll respond to a message that's all about the logistics of a meet-up.

If he doesn't respond, that is the conversation. It means he can't give you any answers, and you'll have to begin the process of starting over without him. Even if he does want to get together, his answers might not satisfy you. He's been happy to tell you good things – like "I love you" – but he seems less interested in having a complicated exchange. The talk isn't about getting answers as much as it's about confirming that he isn't up for being the kind of partner you need.

– Meredith

Readers? Is an in-person talk necessary? How can the LW feel less lost and devastated?