‘I wish I could be OK with where things are’

I was in a relationship with this guy for a little over a year or so. I drove him away because I was in a really dark place in my life at that point, and I became very negative and angry. It's been a few years since then and we're both completely different people, and a little more grown up and in better places in our lives. We have been in contact recently, and these unresolved feelings are coming back to me.

Talking to him again has made me have mixed feelings. He knows me and my life so well, our families got along so well, and he felt like home. I feel like the more I talk to him, the more I wish things were different. To me, it feels like our story isn't done yet. He and I went through so much together, and I could really see a legitimate future with him. I'm so confused because I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I could be OK with where things are. How do I go about this? Do I be honest with him and tell him how I feel, or do I just find someone else to distract myself with?

- Hopeless Romantic


It sounds like you should talk to your ex about these feelings. So far, being in his life again has made you feel a need to distract yourself with others. That means he's probably not great friend material. Knowing that, why wouldn't you ask for what you want? 

There's no incentive to pretend you're OK with the status quo. Honesty is better.

We've had a lot of letters lately from people who want to make grand confessions. I understand why; when we've been living with a love-related secret, it can feel monumental and all-or-nothing by the time we share it. Sometimes we've done so much daydreaming that we think we know how a narrative will play out. But ... we don’t. You don't. That's why I want you to be honest with yourself about what you really need to tell him.

You say you see a "legitimate future with him," but that's just the daydream. What you know for sure is that you've been having "mixed feelings." You find yourself confused and wanting more. You wonder if he'd be willing to try a next step.

At this point, it makes more sense to take a step than a leap.

– Meredith

Readers? What's with all the big love pronouncements?