‘Am I wrong for expecting a daily check-in?’

I've been seeing this guy for about five months. I really enjoy him, and our time spent together is absolutely wonderful. I've met his friends and family. He just met my friends and is about to meet my family. We live about 50 minutes apart, which is normal based on where we live. As I said, when we are together, things are good. We have great talks about feelings and life and aspirations. The sex is fantastic. Overall, I'm so happy when we are together.

Then the week comes and we are working. I'm for sure busier than him – in school, working full-time, and going to the gym. But I always make an effort to reach out. He usually calls me during the week and it's good to catch up. But when I call or text, he typically doesn't answer or respond. He goes days without acknowledging me. I've told him this is an issue for me, and he apologized and said he needs to be better about it.

Then this week, three days of total silence. I told him I don't appreciate this. I feel like things are so high when we are together and then I'm filled with anxiety all week thinking he doesn't like me anymore. I don't know how else to say that this isn't OK with me, when I've been pretty clear already. Am I wrong for expecting a daily check-in? Just a simple hello is really all I need.

– Silence


Relationships are all about compromise, right? Maybe daily check-ins are a lot for him, but every other day would work. You've learned that three days without contact feels horrible, so that's too long. This is all about negotiation.

One thing that might help both of you is a mid-week visit. I know you're busy and almost an hour away from each other, but maybe if you saw him once during the week – if you met for a meal halfway – you'd understand that he's the same person on Wednesday that he is on Saturday. He might learn how to think of you as someone who's part of his daily routine, as opposed to his weekend plan. Also, if this relationship is going to evolve, you might want to test that commute more often.

You say you're feeling insecure, but you also might be disappointed that he doesn't think to contact you when something good or funny happens, or at the end of a long day. But it's worth remembering that some people think of friends and loved ones without reaching out to them. Out of sight – and off the phone – does not always mean out of mind.

– Meredith

Readers? Mid-week visit?