I’m ready to unblock him

Chat at 1

Hi Meredith,

Quick note before getting into my story/question: I'm 23 and have anxiety and other mental health issues. I matched with someone (a 28-year-old man) on a dating app about nine months ago. We had a lot in common, conversation flowed, etc. We were in constant communication for a good couple weeks. I'm pretty sure we were going to discuss meeting for the first time and exchanging numbers, but then just like that, I mentally shut down. I said to myself "nope, not interested, don't have the patience/time/emotion for this person," so I blocked him on the app and ultimately deleted it all together. No warning, no goodbye and no apology.

I fell into a deep depressed state afterward; it makes me sad just thinking about it. In the time since then, a lot of personal life changes have occurred. I snapped out of my funk, I'm seeing a therapist regularly, and (slowly) becoming more socially and physically active. Recently I felt it was time to get myself back out there in the dating world and re-downloaded the app that started it all. I saw the guy was still on my blocked list (with an active account) and stared at his profile for a long while. I felt terrible guilt for not only blocking/ghosting him but for not giving him the reason behind my actions. I know what I did sucked. But I want to move forward. Personally I feel like I'm in a better state of mind and don't think I'd ghost again. I want to reconnect with him and see if he'd still give me a chance. How should I do it and what should I say?

– Unblocked


I'm so glad you're getting good help and taking care of yourself. That's the most important thing.

Once you know you're ready to date, all you need to tell his man is that you took a break from the app and now you're back. Yes, you blocked him, but you also deleted the whole thing. That's common behavior based on what we know from this column. People get exhausted, delete, take a breather, and then hop back on when they have the energy. You needed some space, but now you're open to a little bit more. Is he? You can ask.

He might respond – or not – but it's OK either way. There are many people on that app. Don't allow him to become more important than he is. Also remember that you've never even met him. You went back and forth for weeks without making a plan.

And that brings me to my last thought: I don't think it should take weeks to see someone in person. Yes, some people are very, very busy, but it's not that hard  to ask for a number and have a quick coffee. Moving the process along might make the stakes feel lower and more manageable.

– Meredith

Readers? How much does the LW have to explain about the disappearance?