My work crush didn’t work out

Hi Meredith,

About six months ago, I met a woman at work who was absolutely gorgeous. As a professional person, I didn't pursue it, but we got to know each other because we had reason to work together. We had good talks and she seemed to take an interest in engaging with me. I thought we were starting a great friendship. After about three months, I friended her on Facebook and she accepted.

The next week came and went and she didn't show up to work for a few days. I thought she might be on vacation, but the following week she didn't return. I sent her a text on messenger asking her where she'd been, and she replied that she didn't work there anymore. As much as it disappointed me, I thought that this could be a chance to ask her out because it would no longer be unprofessional. Just before I asked, she sent me a note saying that she and her husband were moving away soon. I was devastated – for two reasons. One, she's married! Two, she's leaving. I've been feeling very negative lately and this feels worse than it should. How do I move past it?

– Disappointed


We get so many letters from people who are desperate for answers they'll never find. They want to know why someone broke up with them or won't date them. They coping with ambiguous rejections.

In your case, you have all of the answers. You met a coworker and found her attractive. You got to know her a little, connected with her on social media, and then found out – from her – that she's married. You know exactly why she’s unavailable to you. It's disappointing, but it makes sense.

There's some good news here, though. You were capable of developing a crush and engaging with that person to get to know her better. You thought about appropriate boundaries and respected them. You ask how you can move past all this, but it's an easy answer. All it takes is time. When you find yourself thinking about this woman (or checking her Facebook page for signals you missed), redirect your attention to something new. A friend. An activity. A long walk. App dating.

You'll get over this because it was just a crush. It's OK to feel sad about it for awhile, but please allow yourself to see this as a step toward finding (and noticing) someone great who's available to you.

– Meredith

Readers? How do you get over this kind of disappointment? Is it better for the LW that this person is no longer around?