Where do I start? I have been in an on-and-off relationship with a man for years. He can be wonderful, but we have terrible times, too. Just recently we had a fight because I got upset about a text he sent to a friend while we were on vacation. We are at a bar and he texted, "This place is crawling with [euphemism for women]." I saw what he was writing and was upset and hurt, but he told me I was being overdramatic.
We ended up being silent for awhile and then he left me in the bar alone. I had to walk back to the hotel alone and once I got there, he told me he wanted me to leave. He tried to kick me out of the hotel. He even called security. I should be so mad and upset with him, but all I want is to have this resolved. Now that we are home, what should I do? Was I right to be upset about the text? His behavior in the hotel is enough of a reason to leave, but I keep texting him to talk. Why do I stay? Please help.
The text about the women in the bar doesn't sound like the real deal-breaker here. The more upsetting moment was when he decided it would be OK to try to kick you out of a hotel. If that is his way of working out a problem, this relationship should be over.
Why do you stay? Maybe because you're used to this routine. You say you've been in this relationship for for years, so the ups and downs probably feel natural. Maybe even necessary. It might help to talk to a therapist about putting a stop to this cycle (you can talk to your doctor about how to find one), but you can also start by forcing some changes on your own. Instead of talking to him about what happened, call someone else. A friend, maybe. Any other nice person who'll listen. (Remember to ask that person how they're doing, too. It helps to remember there's a world outside your relationship.)
Sometimes when we're in a not-so-great partnership, our world becomes very small. We avoid talking about things with others because we don't want to have to be accountable for our decisions. But that's what you need right now – a support system and a path to new experiences and change. If this boyfriend is not texting back, take a deep breath and try someone else.
Readers? Thoughts on the text and aftermath?