I regret what I said

Hello Meredith,

I have dated a man for a year, and a few months ago we decided to commit to one another and become serious. Everything was great. We respected each other's space. We both understood each other's daily responsibilities (we're both parents).

Then a month ago, I found out I was pregnant. I had mixed feelings because I am not financially in a great place to have another child, but because of his enthusiasm, I decided it would be a great idea. When I told him, he was happy about it (he even danced). Prior to me finding out I was pregnant, I started thinking that he was becoming a little distant. At first my feelings were hurt, but once I received the news about the pregnancy, I figured it had been the hormones that made me clingier and emotional.

Two weeks ago, though, I asked him if he was truly ready to have a child. He said no. He asked if I was, and I said no. It hurt because I felt like we had disclosed the news to our friends and family, but then we decided to end the pregnancy. When we made this decision, I felt like our relationship was over. I decided to return his belongings, he gave my key back, and we unfriended each other on social media. I was distraught. Over the course of a few days, I started saying things to him that I know I didn't mean. I know I ruined our relationship with my hasty decision making, letting emotions get the best of me. I want him back. We meshed so well together, and it hurts knowing that I might have hurt him and that he might never come back. I don't know what to do.

– Hurt


You're being very hard on yourself here. Please remember that you've been through a lot over the past few months.

You committed to a relationship, discovered you were pregnant, dealt with the stress of what that might mean for your future, watched your partner dance because he was so happy about the pregnancy, and eventually came to the conclusion that this was not the best path forward. You had to make a lot of decisions at once. That doesn't mean you can't make new ones.

If you want to tell this man you're second-guessing the decision to end the relationship, go right ahead. You can apologize for saying hurtful things. You can also explain that you needed space after all these ups and downs. Now that you've taken it, you know you’d like to try again. He might not be interested, but at least you'll have told him how you feel.

You can also ask him how he thinks things were going before the pregnancy. It's possible your gut was right, and that he was becoming distant. Right now, there's a lot you don't know about what you're trying to save. Hopefully he's willing to talk, and if not, that's an answer, too.

– Meredith

Readers? Reach out?