‘I can’t understand the silence’

I was widowed in 2015. Reconnected with my 7th-grade crush a year and a half later through social media (we are both over 50). He told me that in the past he had a drug addiction and overcame it through religion. He is married, but swore it was over because she cheated. We spent lots of time together and eventually he moved in with me. He was extremely generous and loving. One year in, I thought we were in love.

Out of blue (while I was at work) he moved back to her. He was gone for a month and then returned to me. I got past it and we were blissful again. Months later, he acted weird. I wondered if he relapsed, and then he disappeared again last month when I went to work. Silence since. I love him. I can't understand the silence. At least hoped for closure. He still has my key and some belongings. I don't know what to think or do.

– Closure


I'm sorry. It sounds like you could benefit from therapy to process what's happened over the last four years. You also might want to seek out support from groups for people affected by addiction. Sometimes it helps to contextualize behavior and to know you're not alone.

That might be the closest thing you get to closure. I understand why you want this man to explain his behavior, but you might be better off filling in the blanks yourself. He left you once before – while you were at work. I assume that was a shock and that you were left you with a ton of questions. This second departure tells you it's just what he does. He can be a loving for a while, but then he goes. That's not what you want from a partner. You did not sign up for silence.

As you start the process of moving on, change your locks – as soon as possible. It's the safest thing to do, and it might give you some peace of mind.

– Meredith

Readers? Silence?